Friday, January 6, 2017

I Will Not Quit

My knee is just about healed and now I have the flu. My very first 5k is next Saturday but today, I feel like shit. I will not quit. I will not quit. I will not quit. Yeah, I'm a poet and I know it. Until tomorrow...

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Running On Empty

So, my crappy knees are healing to where I am pretty sure I could probably actually try a slow 1 mile run in the next day or so. But no, wait! Is that a sore throat and fever knocking on my door? Oh God, You and that crazy sense of humor of Yours. And I mean that in the least snarkiest way possible. Until tomorrow ....

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Sweet Dreams My Ass

   Nothing much to report today because that is exactly what I accomplished. Nothing much. This knee injury is not working in my favor. The upside is, it does seem to be improving. Oh, and I have not turned to food for comfort thus proving there is actually a God in heaven. No, seriously, me not eating a pound cake out of frustration is a true miracle. Food has been my Great Comforter my entire life. I could tell you horror stories of shoving food in my mouth as I'm bawling my head off over some painful event in my life. Yeah, picture that then try to sleep. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and another chance to put on my running shoes, squeeze my hopeful and no longer expanding ass into some spandex and try again. Sorry about the spandex. That picture will definitely give you nightmares. Until tomorrow.....

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Who's the Ding Dong Now?

   I didn't run today. I limped. For a lousy mile, all the while lying to myself that my knee was not on fire and I didn't want to pass out from the pain. I have been battling tendonitis on and off for weeks now. Ever since I started running. This doesn't seem right to me. If I stuff my face with Ding Dongs and watch TV all day, I can walk around just fine whenever I want. However, once I start eating right, exercising and running, I am no longer able to walk without grimacing in excruciating pain. My sleep is interrupted by leg cramps and searing death in my knees. I'm no longer overeating because who can be hungry when your stomach is full of half a bottle of Ibuprofen for the day? I just don't get it. But its definitely starting to piss me off. What if I ran while eating a Ding Dong? Would that fool my body into submission and convince it not to punish me when I'm just trying to get a decent nights sleep? Might be worth a try. I seriously hope my ass appreciates everything I'm going through for its sake. Somehow, I doubt it. Until tomorrow......



 

Monday, January 2, 2017

Run Marla Run

   So, part of losing my ass this year involves running. I have never run before in my life unless you count the times where there was ice cream or a taco truck involved. Yeah, no, this is different. No food is harmed in the running I'm doing now. Truth be told, I am running from food. Not because it scares me but because I am losing interest in it. This is huge in my world. I'm talking huge ass huge. I honestly can't remember a time in my life that food was not important to me. Like, 24/7 on my mind important. Like, I'm smiling and nodding my head at you making you think I'm listening to you but in reality, I'm planning my next food attack. I'm not sure what's happening to me but something is happening. Something really good. Something deliciously, frighteningly wonderful. I can feel it in my once over-stuffed gut. There somehow seems to be enough room down there for something other than food. This could get interesting. Until tomorrow.....

Sunday, January 1, 2017

This Means War

   What could possibly be better than a New Year? I'll tell you what's better. Losing your ass! 2017 is that year for me. Seriously, this is the year I lose it all. The outer ass. The inner ass. Oh yes, I have an inner ass. I bet you do as well although if you're like most people you won't admit it. Not without a fight anyway. That's what the inner ass does. It fights against what it already knows is true but because it's an ass it can never admit it's wrong. Defeat will never be accepted by the inner asses of this world. Sadly, my inner ass, like so many others, has also caused my outer ass to, shall we say, outgrow it's proper boundaries. But no more! War has been declared and both asses must die this year.

   So, if you're interested in asses, you've come to the right place. Until tomorrow.....